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I Don’t Believe in God

When I was a child, I believed in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and God. (Not necessarily in that order since I am a product of a Catholic School.) Believing was easy when I was young and never questioned theology.

In my teens, high school and friends occupied my time. I knew Santa and the Bunny didn’t exist, but I still believed in God; although I did question my faith.

Later in life, a series of emotional and physical problems left me battle-worn. Added to the mix was my search for that God I believed in. Obviously, I was doing something wrong because my quest took me nowhere. So, I decided to just keep an open mind and listen to my heart.

Then I experienced a situation which left me distraught. I was at the point where I felt as if I was on the edge and wished someone would just push me off. I had a private office at work so one day I shut the door and really poured my heart out to God. All the pain, distress, fear, and uncertainty spilled out that was making me feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode. I invoked all that was holy to come to my aid.

What happened next is difficult to explain, but I’ll do my best. I felt something go through my body–it was awesome. There was immediate relief and I was void of anything negative or upsetting. I felt like I could cope with anything. My body was soaked in tranquility and peace. It was like someone gave my soul a great big hug – a big, warm, tender hug. There was a wonderful presence in the room and I remember saying,
“Whoever is with me, thank you so much.” I was shocked at what had happened‒pleasantly shocked.

There was nothing I had done in my life to deserve such a beautiful experience. And, fortunately, that was not the last time I was the benefactor of that gift.

Since then, I no longer believe in God; I KNOW God exists. The reason I know is that I felt His presence, and for what it’s worth, I wanted to share my experience with you.

Writer Veronica Ann is third generation American, born and raised in Vernon, Connecticut. She is a wife and a mom who has retired from the State of Connecticut Judicial Department.

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